Cats & Books

My toes are cold, and I’m currently breathing through one nostril, but that seems to be enough for now.
I’m wearing my big old purple dressing gown over grey PJ’s and colourful socks and I’m perched at my desk, scrolling through the internet, one cat meme at a time.
…Why are cats so damn funny?
Is it because of the general pompous way the look at life, or is it the fact that they are literally looking down their noses at everyone. They are really the assholes of the animal kingdom; ready to trip you over without a moments notice and then devour your entrails as you lay sprawled on the kitchen floor after falling down the stairs.  Either that or they realize that we, as humans, are in fact NOT the most intelligent animals on the planet but that we have opposable thumbs and we are generally alot nicer to get along with than say… gorillas.

I have a cat.
I call her a cat, but she is likely to call herself “The one true Queen” or “Where is my food, stupid human!?

I also have two dogs, but unlike her they’re the nicest beings imaginable. They honestly have no qualms about being not fed at 6.15pm exactly, or being yelled at for jumping on the couch with wet paws. They just want love and companionship.

Cat’s just want food, scratches behind the ears, and a warm person to sleep next too if they deem it necessary.

My cat is truly a cat. 
Not one of these half-assed cats, who (-)get along with the dogs in their houses, and (-)ask politely to come into the bathroom when you’re getting into the shower. 

-My cat hates my dogs with a passion. She thinks dogs are even lower on the food chain than humans, and will well and truly mess one up if given the chance. She used to sit on the fence and tease a neighbors dog to the point of insanity and then saunter home, to do it all again tomorrow. 

-She doesn’t ‘ask’ – politely or otherwise.She demands.
Somehow, before I’ve even set foot in the shower she’s manages to barge in tail swinging and claws out, jump on top on the wall between shower and toilet and glare at me with her piecing green eyes … as she tries to bat the water droplets coming from the shower head.


 I’m trying to write a book. i.e: Once or twice a fortnight I sit behind my computer and prattle on about nothing… and then delete it half an hour later.

Book: Once, they created a thing called ‘paper’, wrote words on it, stapled into a bunch and sold around the world. People sat for hours in the one spot, with half a cup of cold tea, turning page after page of these remarkable things. They taught all kinds of things, from particle physics to cooking.

Now, books are on the decline everywhere and there isn’t much we as a people can do for these poor, unused creatures. They will sit on shelves and in boxes everywhere, rotting away into the void- or even worse, they will get torn into packing paper, to be used to wrap pointless  articles of human decadence, like ‘cups’ or ‘plates’.

R.I.P Books.
We will remember You.


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