I’ve been scaring the shit out of myself lately.
Not meaning to, but I’m constantly getting stuck in the Everything-Thing.
The Everything-Thing is a feeling I get when I start thinking about one thing, and then suddenly my mind is filled with Everything I’ve ever done, doing, didn’t do and otherwise.
I picked up my guitar a while ago, and tried to play this song that I used to know really well- but this time, I sucked at it. My timing was off, my nails were too long so I didn’t hit the strings correctly and it made me feel completely shitty because the song that I knew so well, sounded like crap.
From that I began to wonder… What stopped me from practicing for a little bit, everyday for the last 10 years?; What other things am I not practicing right now?; Have I stopped learning?; Why have I stopped learning?; Should I study more languages so I can travel more?; Have I traveled enough?; What is enough?; How much time in my life do I still have left to travel?; How much time do I have left in life?; Is this really the life I should be living?; Is there another life that would make me more satisfied?; Why don’t I have more friends?; Am I really connecting with the friends that I do have?; Should I try to connect with them more?; Maybe I should meet new friends?; Is there something wrong with me?; Is it too late for me?…
Sure, there is times when I need to think about things and make changes, but that is no reason to scare the utter shit out of myself.
Thanks, Brain. You’re a real asshole.