Anti-Bucket List

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1. Stop sitting still.
My life doesn’t revolve around my computer chair.

2. Make a To-Not-Do list each day.
As a way of reminding myself that most of my To-Do lists are total crap.

3. Stop Wearing what doesn’t make me happy.
I don’t care if it looks good on Her,  It’ll never look good on Me.

4. Don’t try to work it out with people that don’t actually have any purpose in my life.
You, You and You can all fuck right off.

5. Stop trying to prove my strength. I know I’m strong.
If people want to know, I’ll tell them.

6. I will not feel under-dressed when I go to the mail box in my pyjamas.
Hi Neighbourino’s …
Yes, I’m getting my mail in a shirt, knee high socks and slippers. I bet you want socks like these… Eh?

7. Stop trying to be better than others. Be better at what I want to be better at.
I’m good at what I do. Not necessarily what You do, so don’t expect to have a conversation about it.

8. Calm the fuck down. Everything that’s going to go to shit, will. So, deal.
Again … calm the fuck down.

9. It’s OK to have a weekend at home, doing absolutely fuck all.
The world will not explode if we stay at home and do not leave the bedroom.

10. Don’t learn what doesn’t interest you.
I want to learn what I want. Not what You think I should want.

11. I do not want to bungee jump.
Again… You can Fuck right off.

12. Never own a pair of Gladiator sandals. They are fucking hideous.
Don’t own them, Never will.

13. Throw away my hair straightener. It never gets used.
I haven’t used it in three years, there is absolutely no point in keeping it.

14. Forget people that want to be forgotten.
They want to be gone, let them go.

15. Stop trying to be a morning person. It’ll never work.
Sure, I get things done. But at the same time I’m cranky and a total shit to be around. All because I didn’t have that 30min extra lie in.

16. Never say that I will not get any more animals.
I’m Sorry. But, I’ll Never say Never with this one. Maybe not now, but one day.

17. I will not let anyone finish a sentence that begins, “I’m only saying this as a friend, but…”
It will only even end in tears.

18. I will never get a boob job.
Sorry, Darling. Not going to happen.

17. Never listen to what food extremists say about food.
If you’re allergic, can’t tolerate it or it grosses you out … totally fine.
But if you’re just sitting there carving away at why I shouldn’t be eating this because the gastric intestinal fairies will get the cranky at me…Well #4.

19. Never open the door without a smile.
Because, fuck. Common decency. Unless its a baddie, in which case…

20. Never think you’re too weak to show someone who is boss. 
A baddie, a mugger, or just a person who has pissed you off. Never feel that you should just melt into the walls.
(And always have some sort of sharp implement by the door…Always.)

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