I’m the kind of person that I’d never thought I’d be. I like the person I am now, but It doesn’t mean that I’d ever thought I’d be Her.
My friend circle seems to have gotten smaller and smaller in the last 12 months, and to the Me that used to be; that would be hideously frightening. But now, it’s fine. I like being able to assess the personality of a potential or current friend and decide that they aren’t really what I need right now. I like having that ability, and the Me that used to be never really had it;
She was a friend gatherer – She liked to keep her facebook friend count into the triple digits and kept up to date with almost all of them. All of her friends knew a little bit about her life and whenever She’d have coffee with them, She’d put the best of herself out into the world to try and make herself seem better than reality.
I’m glad that isn’t me anymore. I don’t want my child to grow up seeing that kind of person as their mother.
But, being lonely is something that I’ve been tackling for quite a while and I believe I’ve begun to conquer. At this time of year, it’s very common to see lonely people coming out of the woodwork. They sit in busy coffee shops in the family booths, just to see if someone will sit with them. If you speak to them they will stare at you, hoping that you’ll continue the conversation.
Note: I’m trying to write something philological and thoughtful… while watching Billy Connolly. It isn’t the easiest thing in world. I’m going to be swearing a bit more for the next few hours…