I’m a lonesome but generally happy person, I’ll admit. I rattle around in my house, with my dogs, cats (and now) baby; doing things to keep me mentally stimulated (be that sometimes watching endless episodes of Star Trek while Rowan naps beside me…).
When my husband comes home from a day of work, all he’s after is a beer, dinner and a minute the be silent. Unfortunately, I don’t give him that option.
I’m handing off the child; ordering him about the place to feed the dogs; then to come and watch the boyo while I go and have my daily allotment of a half-hour shower.
We’ve spoken about my resistance to broadening my social horizons before, and while the ideas we come up with are great, when it comes time to enact them… I’m less than willing.
I’m a happy, lonesome person most of the time. Some of the time though, I wake up and instantly know that if I don’t remove myself from the four walls that is my home and see some people, I’ll murder someone.
It takes a village to raise a child.
I don’t necessarily have that village and I don’t think it’s the child that needs raising, in this instance…
I wasn’t raised by a village, community or even two people. I was raised by one person, and half the time She had to work to keep us alive. I don’t attribute all of how I am to that, but it makes up a large part of it. I don’t want my Son to feel that life is, in any way. I want my Son to be able to reach out with one finger and find the friendships and support that was never offered to me.
I’ve recently realised and partially resented the fact that I’m after that large, ‘familial’ presence, but have no idea how to get it.
My husbands family has been great these last few weeks, dropping in and taking the squalling boyo off my hands so I can have a cuppa and 10 minutes of adult conversation. But as amazing as they are… they have their own lives to live and eventually have to go back to them. I have yet to try and capture one of them and have them live in my basement though… Possibly not the best course of action if I want an actual proper relationship with them.